CHOIRGIRL:
Bless this day
Pinnacle of life
Husband joined to wife
The heart leaps up to behold
This golden day
PAUL:
Today is for Amy
Amy, I give you the rest of my life
To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever
Today is for Amy
My happily soon-to-be wife
AMY:
Pardon me, is everybody here? Because if everybody's here
I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding
I'd appreciate your going even more
I mean you must have lots of better things to do, and not a word of this to Paul, remember Paul, you know,
the man I'm gonna marry
But I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin
anyone as wonderful as he is
Thank you all
For the gifts and the flowers
Thank you all
Now it's back to the showers
Don't tell Paul
But I'm not getting married today
CHOIRGIRL:
Bless this day
Tragedy of life
Husband yoked to wife
The heart sinks down and feels dead
This dreadful day
AMY:
Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for
A wedding, what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual
Where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is followed by a honeymoon
Where suddenly he'll realize he's
saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me Which he should
Thanks a bunch
But I'm not getting married
Go have lunch
'Cause I'm not getting married
You've been grand
But I'm not getting married
Don't just stand there
I'm not getting married
And don't tell Paul
But I'm not getting married today
Go, can't you go?
Why is nobody listening?
Goodbye
Go and cry
At another person's wake
If you're quick
For a kick
You could pick
Up a christening
But please
On my knees
There's a human life at stake!
Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear
Or do you want to see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you
It isn't only Paul who may be ruining his life
You know we'll both of us be losing our identities
I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to see him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with
the other garbage
I'm not well
So I'm not getting married
You've been swell
But I'm not getting married
Clear the hall
'Cause I'm not getting married
Thank you all
But I'm not getting married
And don't tell Paul
But I'm not getting married today
CHOIRGIRL:
Bless this bride
Totally insane
Slipping down the drain
And bless this day in our hearts
As it starts
To rain
PAUL/AMY:
Today is for
/Go, can't you go?/Amy
Look, you know/Amy
I adore you all/I give you
But why/The rest of
Watch me die/My life
Like Eliza on the ice?/To cherish
Look, perhaps/And to keep you
I'll collapse/To honor you
In the apse/Forever
Right before you all/Today is for Amy
So take/My happily
Back the cake/Soon-to-be
Burn the shoes and boil the rice/Wife
Look, I didn't wanna have to/My adorable
tell you, but I may be coming/Wife
down with Hepatitis, and I
think I'm gonna faint, so if
you wanna see me faint, I'll
do it happily, but wouldn't
it be funnier to go and watch
a funeral, so thank you for the
twenty-seven dinner plates
thirty-seven butter knives
forty-seven paperweights
fifty-seven candleholders
PAUL:
One more thing
AMY:
I am not getting married!
PAUL:
Softly said
AMY:
But I'm not getting married!
PAUL:
With this ring
AMY:
Still I'm not getting married!
PAUL:
I thee wed
AMY:
See, I'm not getting married!
PAUL/AMY:
Let us pray/Let us pray
That we are getting married/That I'm not getting married
Today! Today!